I never thought I would see a year full of excitement, sorrow, joy, and anguish all in one. I never thought I would see a year that I was able to accomplish many of the goals I had in life. I never thought I'd see a year where so many friends and family passed away. I never thought I'd see a year with so much violence and division. But here we are, as the year 2016 comes to a close.
This year, I got to go on the trip of a lifetime to Ireland. I was grateful to experience Walt Disney World and my first vacation to Florida. I was fortunate enough to get my FOURTH car from my parents and live through another accident. I was able to receive a bid into a sorority that has changed my perspective on life. I got to live on my own. I finally felt like I was accomplishing things.
This year I lost my mother, Ginger Kruse. I lost my cousin Larry Voshell. My cousin, Dorothy, lost her husband. Many friends and family experienced anguish, loss, and sorrow. I just couldn't understand why everyone was dying. Why everyone was being diagnosed with cancer or having heart attacks. Why everyone had to experience pain during a year that was supposed to be full of life, second chances, and determination.
I will never understand why God chose to take my mother away from us at the young age of 60. I will never understand how someone who could fight so hard, whose lung cancer tumor was almost invisible, was taken from us in the blink of an eye. Maybe it was her time, maybe it wasn't. I will never know, but I do know that she passed away peacefully with her friend Linda by her side. I will never get over the phone call I received, while sitting in the passenger seat of my car as Dalton raced us home to Elkader. I will never forget Linda telling me "they did all they could. she's gone". I will never forget calling my Dad, who was on the road and in Oregon, and hearing him cry and tell me that Shawn and I would have to handle things until he got home. I will never forget having to call my brother to break the news. I will never forget going with my Aunt Karen and Uncle Larry to pick my dad up at the airport in Cedar Rapids, and watching him wipe his eyes as we hugged when he walked out of the gate. I will never forget him kissing my mother on the forehead when he got to see her at the funeral home. I will never forget my big diamond sister, Kennedy Elliott, coming to my mother's funeral. We had only known each other for a month and had barely hung out. She didn't even know my mom. But she was there.
I am doing good. I am very different at handling my emotions than others. I cried a few times during the week I was home for my mother's funeral, but aside from that I have held it together very well. I immediately had to come back to school, work, and sorority activities. I feel that having this stability and structure in my life helped me to not think about it because I stayed busy. There were times when I was sitting at home with nothing to do, and I would annoy Dalton to keep my mind off of my mother. But that was a month ago. This month, I am more than happy to look at her Facebook profile, which has been memorialized, and laugh at the stupid photos I tagged her in. I am more than happy to talk with everyone about her, especially Cindy Cook because lord knows she has some great stories.
2017 is going to be a bigger and better year. Hopefully there will be less loss in my family and everyone's family. There should be more happiness and more humble moments. There should be life and presence...and presents. Each day is a gift. Use it wisely.
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